My hate/love relationship with 2020

Never thought I would say

that any year or even the month of May

would make me so sad

and would make me so mad.

Past years have come and gone

and I was indifferent to their transition,

except of course for the years

That I hated with fervor,

where love was lost,

and when the the people

I loved the most

passed or parted forever.

I actually started loving 2020;

simply because a New Year

means hope is plenty.

I promised myself it would be a good year

to fulfill some of my bucket list dreams

Filling my life with many a cheer.

Even at my age I felt like I could start anew.

But Dreams were shattered when

A Pandemic invaded

about which too few of us knew what to do.

All dreams deferred and seemed to be in vain.

the horror of racism, hatred and mistrust

was yet another fatal kind of virus and full of disdain,

that beat my heart with a powerful thrust.

We all complied with the regulations

that were laid out for COVID 19

for all of us to be safe,

some refused and called it a hoax – which was a big mistake.

All emotion came with tears,

hauling an angry shout.

Then in October of this horrid year,

the terror grew even more.

A premonition, a deep sadness infused my soul

like never before.

Not even walking among the colorful foliage of Fall

that always brought me so much joy to see

could I conjure up happiness or at peace be.

I could only see the dark

and question life’s cruelty,

the unfairness of it all.

And as Emily did many times in her poems,

”The horror I felt deep in my heart

I could not tell to none”

so I tried to sing an auria instead.

A dear friend concerned for me

taught me to pray once again

and helped me cope with the deepest pain

no parent wants to feel.

Only God’s miracle, mercy and grace

could put at ease the fear and forever erase.

So now I try to keep hope alive

although my heart seems like

it is still,

I wait very patiently;

for a sign from the divine,

I know and trust it will only be a matter of time.

All will be well again,

2020 brought much hurt and pain.

The great thing is, it is not here to stay.

And in 23 days it will go away,

And never ever be again.

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