My hate/love relationship with 2020
Never thought I would say
that any year or even the month of May
would make me so sad
and would make me so mad.
Past years have come and gone
and I was indifferent to their transition,
except of course for the years
That I hated with fervor,
where love was lost,
and when the the people
I loved the most
passed or parted forever.
I actually started loving 2020;
simply because a New Year
means hope is plenty.
I promised myself it would be a good year
to fulfill some of my bucket list dreams
Filling my life with many a cheer.
Even at my age I felt like I could start anew.
But Dreams were shattered when
A Pandemic invaded
about which too few of us knew what to do.
All dreams deferred and seemed to be in vain.
the horror of racism, hatred and mistrust
was yet another fatal kind of virus and full of disdain,
that beat my heart with a powerful thrust.
We all complied with the regulations
that were laid out for COVID 19
for all of us to be safe,
some refused and called it a hoax – which was a big mistake.
All emotion came with tears,
hauling an angry shout.
Then in October of this horrid year,
the terror grew even more.
A premonition, a deep sadness infused my soul
like never before.
Not even walking among the colorful foliage of Fall
that always brought me so much joy to see
could I conjure up happiness or at peace be.
I could only see the dark
and question life’s cruelty,
the unfairness of it all.
And as Emily did many times in her poems,
”The horror I felt deep in my heart
I could not tell to none”
so I tried to sing an auria instead.
A dear friend concerned for me
taught me to pray once again
and helped me cope with the deepest pain
no parent wants to feel.
Only God’s miracle, mercy and grace
could put at ease the fear and forever erase.
So now I try to keep hope alive
although my heart seems like
it is still,
I wait very patiently;
for a sign from the divine,
I know and trust it will only be a matter of time.
All will be well again,
2020 brought much hurt and pain.
The great thing is, it is not here to stay.
And in 23 days it will go away,
And never ever be again.
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